Field notes at 5 months; 1

I started radical unschooling as best I could from a fairly clueless stance on March 1st, 2007. I started in in the real spirit of RU, with full (joyous) consent of the one child who wanted to help decide where our homeschooling journey should go next. And the other two requested to be allowed to play while we pondered this decision...so they did as they wished, too.
Whether we ever really have unschooled yet is debatable. Probably we are still actually deschooling. I'd guess the segue is subtle anyway, so I don't know. I really want to get at this business of unschooling but sometimes I think it's like trying to go somewhere that you've never been, with no real maps, but lots of opinions on how to get there. I'd like to holler from the backseat "Are we there yet?" but I have let go of the steering wheel and I don't see anyone driving!
I'd like to share what I have seen so far. I'll be telling some things I love and some I really dislike. I would love feedback from anyone with interest and time to give.
My 3 kids are Granville, ds, age 13, Emily, dd, age 10, and Burke, ds, age 8. I am a single mom, and enjoy my job as an ER physician, plus love that it gives me lots of time with the kids. We have a lovely and diverse group of homeschoolers in our town, and I feel free to discuss our RU adventure here, though not many seem interested in trying it! That is, I've had kind support/no rejection, but no real kindred adventurers.
OK, the report starts with something wonderful. All 3 kids were, naturally, traumatized by our marital distress and eventual divorce. I have taken them to therapy, dealt with grief openly, done what I could, but pain, grief and anger are still part of our lives.
On a recent 5-day trip, Granville and I were`alone in a hot tub outside. He said, "I have spent all my life being told what to do, what to say, and hiding who I really am. I am having to learn who I am. I am moody because a lot of anger I felt and wasn't free to express is coming out. I am feeling it, and I might seem crabby. I think that I am not who I pretended to be." I sat in amazed silence. He said, "Well...??" I felt so honored to be told this and so scared to bruise this trust, which I swear that I had tried to foster before, but may have failed. I said finally that plenty of 50 year-old people couldn't even do what he said he was doing, and I was glad. I asked if I could help, but he said, "No, what I am doing is working."
Now I have actually had a hard time with his current schedule, which is out of step with the schedule of the household, and which means that we all miss Granville. His preferred schedule is to fall asleep anywhere from 4 to 7 am, sleep all day, get up for supper, then start watching TV at 8:30 and watch all night. We have just plain MISSED him! But now I see that he is doing something crucial.
Now a smaller, less apparently dramatic report from Emily. But it feels pretty important to me. Emily hasn't learned to read fluently as yet. Last year we did formally work on reading, with regularity, and to me she did well. But she retained a self-image of a nonreader. The last 5-6 months I have left it up to her. Now she says "I am reading much better. Last year when you were teaching me it was too hard, but now I am reading lots of things on my own."
Burke, when asked how he likes unschooling, says "Well, it's great, isnt it...like just living." But tellingly, he has fewer breakdowns (in which he hurts himself or breaks something). And Emily, who can become easily explosive, is also much calmer.
The kids have just left with my mother for 2 days with my parents then 11 days with their Dad. It's hard for us in many ways and I am anxious about our RU/deschooling getting derailed. They will not have much autonomy and esp at my ex's house they'll get a lot of judgement. His S.O. would have to be the director of early child ed at the local university!
Does visiting judgmental people who have no concept of unschooling start the deschooling back at ground zero, as has been suggested occurs when the primary/resident parent(s) backslides and "gives 4 pages of math"? I reassured them we would still be unschoolers when the visit was over, and that they could just continue unschooling in their hearts all the time.
Maybe the contrast will help them enjoy our own home approach but I wish they could be less pulled in different directions...
I will soon rejoin them. I may use the documentation recommended to help me see and appreciate, really take in what they do daily. I am so disorganized/chaotic that's hard for me to even keep track of the same notebook daily! I always say I have a paper-repelling curse on my life. Thus, this blog! To anyone who is willing to read it, I say thanks so much! Cameron