RU Field notes at 6 months, post 1

We are back from a hard visit to my relatives in NC. My extended family certainly 'backslid' in their viewpoints of us and our unschooling, or their previous interest and tolerance was feigned. I have no idea. To make matters odder, I attended (with my 13 yo son) a 2-hour talk by my Dad at a show of my Dad's artwork. Most of the listeners were college students or teachers. His talk could easily have been a summary of unschooling philosophy! Little wonder unschooling often feels to me like a comfortable old shoe. As he spoke I realized that these ideas were said around the dinner table and among friends visiting our home all my childhood. But they were perceived to be the sole purview of adult artists, not a viable/safe approach to most of life, certainly not for one's actual children, who are not to take risks. The myriad reasons why my creative, artistic parents would be hypercontroling of us when we were kids and sometimes when we are grown are as complex as real humans are! I recognize that fear is a major cause.
My kids, though they cried so hard to leave their grandparents, are somewhat relieved, as we find ourselves able to return to ourselves! To be ourselves again. Not that we were fake, but it was more like we were unable to open our wings, like a butterfly made to emerge from its
chrysalis in a small jar.
Now my 8 year-old has no schooling requests; he is so happy to get back to his prolonged fantasy stories and creative play. My 13 yo experienced a period of insecurity and asked me if we could get a packaged curriculum and do two years in one year, so he could say that he 'skipped a grade'. (We wouldn't know what grades to buy!) I replied that as long as he really wanted that, I'd help him have it, but why did he want it? Answer "Because Mike did it, and he seems so smart." Then we thought about that for several days, as well as the idea of school. We talked about what he really wants to do with his time. He ended up saying that he'd like it if I'd order Rosetta Stone for Japanese, and resume more 'teaching of things you (Mom) feel are important.' He threw that comment out about me 'teaching more again' when I couldn't discuss it (unpacking the car from the month-long trip) so I don't yet know what he meant there. Emily, age 10, asked for more math, said that she was forgetting too much. And asked
for Rosetta Stone French.
The kids also spent time with their Dad (my ex) and last year we had an unpleasant letter after their visit to him, full of educational and child-developmental jargon (his SO is actually head of early child education ot the local university) and requests to test for dyslexia, etc. I hope that we don't get repercussions from this visit!! Of course he is very controlling and judgemental, too....a result of my silly brain's attraction to what feels familiar from childhood!
Good things resulted in plenty despite all the above! My kids got to see an accurate depiction of my childhood stressors, and we discussed the effects on me and them often and seemingly very directly. It sure was a nitty-gritty lesson about family complexity, forgiveness, grace, tolerance, and love, and how to extend these things without compromise of one's self. And there were the many obvious good things, like the rope swing over the lazy old river, the walks on the beach, the times of loving connection.
Last night, as Emily (10) lay beside me, she said, "It's so good to be back in our own home. It's kinda dirty, and feels so friendly, and it's as good as a park for fun. I love you, Mom!" I am so grateful.